We've Come This Far By Faith

Here we are, more than a week after arriving in the Holy Land, slowly overcoming jetlag, various illnesses, and getting used to the small community life. We have visited several holy sites and had plenty of time to pray and reflect on what God is and has been doing in our lives and in the world.

For many of us, we have been discerning a call to the priesthood in the seminary for the last four to six years. Now, we find ourselves less than five months away from being ordained deacons. There are many thoughts, doubts, and questions that are running through our hearts and minds, some of which are: Can I live this life of priesthood well and is this what God is really calling me to? We are told that it is normal for a man to have such thoughts and worries in the six months prior to ordination.   

All of us know or have friends or siblings that are getting married, are already married, and are having children. As we continue to pray over the promises that we will make in the coming months, we wonder if we will be able to live a joyful and fulfilling life without the support of one companion on the journey. We ask ourselves: How will I do this? Who will be there for me? Who are my friends that I can count on? Where is my joy and zeal in serving others? What am I afraid of? Am I afraid that I will be alone?   

In the midst of reflecting on the holy sites, trying to process and understand the graffiti-laced concrete wall that separates Israel and Palestine, this foreign culture, and overcoming our tiredness, it is easy to become vulnerable and even irritable. Living in a small community of 38 men can be challenging day after day. We are picking up on traits and quirks about one another that perhaps we never noticed before. Here we are given the opportunity to practice our patience, gentleness, and kindness with one another. While we ponder if the grass is greener on the other side – like marriage – we also recognize the difficulty and concerns that arise in other vocations. 

While it is a privileged experience to visit and pray at the places that Christ and other major players in salvation history walked, our experiences of prayer are not always “mountain top” experiences. As pilgrims on a journey, we can’t help but bring our own messiness and neediness. But, that is exactly why God became man: to take on the messiness of our relationships and pasts and our neediness of intimacy and connectedness, so that He could redeem our humanity. This is the Good News of our pilgrimage: God calls us in all the areas of our lives and invites us to a life of discipleship. As St. Paul acknowledges in his letter to the Corinthians that we are one in Christ’s body and individually parts of it, we too take time to acknowledge which gifts God has given us and what role we are to play in the one body. 

No matter where we are in the world, we continue to journey together, bringing to the Lord all that we are and who we are, asking Him to fulfill us as we strive to build up the Body of Christ.